"In the depth of winter I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer.” –Albert Camus

Seven Wonders of the Buddhist World (BBC Documentary)

A poem I wrote

Memorial Day2013 Insight

This Memorial Day my wife was working and I made an attempt to invite a friend to lunch unsuccessfully as they had other plans. I could have gone to my mom's for a BBQ but I could not get a car on such short notice and taking the journey without my wife just doesn't feel right somehow. So I decided to do my normal routine of yoga and meditation and then a brisk walk in Central Park to see what people are up to. I started out on my walk as immediately saw that the park was hopping with activity including lots of BBQing, lots of kids, lots of friends and lots of pets strewn about everywhere I could look. There was a lot of energy and excitement happening. I took my usual walk that takes me about 45 minutes to an hour depending on my pace all the while absorbing and enjoying the nice weather and the great energy in the park. I was really enjoying myself watching everyone having fun from adults to children to all the silly incredibly cute dogs of all types and sizes people brought to the park with them as family members. It was a great hour in the park and then I went home to watch Kundun which I hadn't seen in years and wanted to revisit. Incredibly, someone had uploaded the entire movie on to Youtube so I didn't even have to rent it and just plugged my laptop into my flatscreen to watch.

Later that evening when my wife came home I noticed a bit of stagnant energy and perhaps a little sadness or depression in my mood. I'm well aware of impermanence and how moods and everything else is always shifting and changing but I wanted to look a little deeper and perhaps find the source.

All of a sudden it came to me that I believe I was subconsciously sad that I spent the day alone despite feeding off of all the positive exciting energy of the park that day. It was a great realization because for so many years prior to my recent meditation practice and understanding, I would be very depressed with lots of self pity telling myself "you are alone because there's something wrong with you" or "you are alone because you are a bad person inside" or many other self criticizing and destructive thoughts.

It's amazing to think that I am now able to actually enjoy time alone and not beat myself up and feed off of the energy of others that I used to envy and be jealous of. Of course I was still feeling it subconsciously as I later realized that day but I wasn't beating myself up or criticizing myself about it and just letting the loneliness exist quietly within me in a much less intrusive and negative way than I've done for most of my life.

This is really huge for me and I'm glad the sadness was there just enough for me to pause and reflect and see how much progress I've made with my mindfulness meditation and the peace, balance, and hope it is bringing into my life slowly but surely.

Thanks for taking the time to read this and share in my progress as a sentient being. Feel free to comment and please subscribe to this blog if you want to read more about my maturation through vipassana meditation.

Be well.

Reaping the benefits of Mindfulness in action

Two events happened that indicate to me my meditation practice is evolving and benefitting my life and outlook:

1. Eye was in Central Park and was crossing the main road in a crosswalk. A guy cycling a a high speed decided to zoom past much closer than was necessary and that Eye was comfortable with. Meye immediate and visceral first reaction and verbalization was "easy brother!". This happily surprised me as normally Eye would have blurted out something much more defamatory and provocative. Eye smiled and chuckled happily surprised at meyeself.

2. Eye was walking through the Central Park conservatory garden with meye wife. We had been bike riding and were walking our bikes through the garden enjoying the flowers, plants and trees. We come upon a man dressed in denim civilian clothes who tells us this area is closed and we can't pass because of a wedding. I take a moment to survey before I speak and see an unorganized group of people on the stairs to our left hollering and bickering. I tell the man respectfully that he's not a parks employee and that my wife and Eye will continue to pass and be gone in a few seconds. I saw no permits, signs or anything official prohibiting our passage and knew this was a rag-tag operation being enforced by adult bullying.  He gives no resistance or problem and we proceed to pass bothering nobody or disturbing anything as they were all on the stairs 20 feet away from the main path. Then a hostile guy about a foot taller than me in a suit from the wedding party approaches me threatening this and that (beat my m*ther f*cking ass etc.) right in my face. Eye stop and look him in the eye and calmly the first thing that comes out of meye mouth is "peace man, peace. Well be right out of your way." Eye held my ground for a moment as did he as he as he continued to threaten me and he eventually stepped away still bad mouthing me and Eye turned to look at him as Eye walked away and gave the peace sign. Eye was calm but also strong. Paula was a bit more upset and bickering back with them which upset me and Eye tried to settle her down and explain that Eye appreciated her concern for meye safety but that we need to be more mindful and less reactive and hostile to difficult situations. Eye too was a little rattled internally after we had passed and my anger had me contemplating calling 911. Then Eye thought that my ego was craving conflict and revenge and Eye wanted more to continue our day in the park then ruin it with cops and drama. We walked for a while and settled down and discussed what had happened. We made it to a cultural center with rest rooms where Paula went in for the ladies room. Eye stayed outside reflecting on the incident. She came out and Eye told her to wait with the bikes as Eye decided to go in and report the incident to the parks people. They were disturbed to hear my account of being threatened, told me the wedding group was completely in the wrong and that they would notify the parks police. Eye thanked them and we went on to enjoy the rest of our stay in the park. Eye shared with Paula that Eye felt sorry for the wedding group as they all seemed so hostile and it must be stressful and sad being that way especially on a day of celebration like a wedding. *BTW, this was a very rare and isolated incident and meye typical time spent in Central Park is usually peaceful and lovely.

Eye am just proud and happy that disarming and respectful words/reactions are beginning to emerge from me in difficult situations as opposed to mey typical reactions of defiance/disrespect and stooping down to lower levels of egotistical conflict.

Dharma Practice

The more I study and practice Dharma, the more I realize how it really is more of an ingenious cognitive psychological and ethical practice than a religious practice. For most of my life I thought Buddha was considered a god and his teachings a religion. I am seeing more and more how his teachings are a way of living from a positive and powerful perspective of acceptance and kindness- to oneself, others and all experiences. The difficulty in practicing and adapting this perspective is most of what I know and have learned in Western Culture which is a very results oriented and difficulty-avoiding type of perspective.
We exert so much energy suppressing and avoiding certain feelings and experiences if they are not pleasant instead of sitting with them an accepting them as a natural part of existence - pleasure , pain & neutrality.
It is strange "buying into" such a foreign and ancient practice that seems almost idyllic but somehow it really makes sense to me and I enjoy the ongoing challenge and rewards of a new outlook on life with less fear, more general connection to life and people, and more hope - something I have been in desperate need of for as long as I can remember.

Be well.

Kundun (1997) - Full Movie

Spring Summer Fall Winter And Spring (2003) Bom yeoreum gaeul gyeoul geu...

Doing Time, Doing Vipassana Full

Wheel of Time

Dhamma Brothers - Vipasanna Meditation [Myanmar subtitle]

Bali Eyes

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Murder and violence are temporary actions. Love and an innate desire within us for peace are eternal. We are all the same despite illusions of "us and them". I believe this. ✌❤☮

Happy Songkran!

Wishing peace and happiness and renewal to all celebrating this wonderful holiday in Southeast Asia and to all sentient beings in the universe.

Sprinkle a little water on your Buddhas and each other!

Be kind.

Enjoy life.